The picture of the unhappy-looking individual on the right shows of course the world’s number one golfer Tiger Woods.

Woods talked for more than 13 minutes Friday from the clubhouse at the TPC Sawgrass, home of the PGA Tour. About 40 people were in the room, including his mother. The event was tightly controlled, with only a few journalists allowed to watch Tiger live.

He said: “I was unfaithful. I had affairs. I cheated. What I did was not acceptable,” said Woods, looking composed and speaking in a steady voice. His wife, Elin, was not present in the room.

Tiger Woods also informed the public that he has undergone therapy for 45 days and that he will return for some more.

This is, as far as we are concerned the gist of the issue. Officially, the therapy was for so-called “sexual addiction”. The way we look at this is that if Tiger needed therapy for sex addition, the same kind of therapy should probably be administered to almost every man on the planet and some women as well.

What in the heck is “sex addiction”? Isn’t that the natural sexual drive which most of us have? It is also patently obvious that it is easier to enjoy this so-called affliction if one is famous, rich and successful. Not that we are being too permissive here, but that is simple, unadorned reality.

What is also pretty obvious is that Tiger’s wife Elin is pretty hot indeed, probably much hotter that any of his casual squeezes.

Yes, newness, excitement and all that do play an important role in sexual attraction, but since most of our sexual feelings appear to be centered in our brains, rather than crotches, we firmly believe that the therapy needed here would be one that would help enhance the subject’s thinking ability, rather than something called a “sexual addiction”.

There is a saying out there that:  “there is no cure for stupidity”. There is also probably no viable cure for what our social rule makers and the mental health industry label as “sexual addiction”.

Technorati Tags: apology, Cheating, golf, sexual addiction, therapy, tiger woods

Having heard that Accenture – formerly hugely disgraced Anderson Consulting – has decided to terminate the sponsorship of Tiger Woods, due to his peccadilloes, we have decided to re-post this piece, originally published on February 27, 2009.

We also wonder if Accenture being directly linked to Arthur Andersen and its connections with Enron could possibly be considered any better that Tiger’s infidelity, screwing around and so forth. That in fact seems like a no-brainer. Enron has hurt not only the economy, but also thousands, upon thousands of people, maybe even millions.

Tiger in turn, has seemed to hurt Elin, but probably mostly himself…

We haven’t checked all of Tiger’s sponsors. We do know for a fact that Nike, has been widely criticized for the use of child slave labor. We also wonder if Blackwater, er… Xe is among his sponsors. How about Altria, formerly Philip Morris, or Exxon, so very famous for not paying up for the damages of the Exxon Valdez disaster?

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There’s been an avalanche of company name changes in the past few years. In some cases this was done in order to make the name more marketable, or maybe easier on the eyes, or hopefully easier to remember. More often rebranding came about in the wake of some unsavory event, practice, or even a conviction.

Many people don’t even realize that so very often the very same and often unchanged company lurks under a completely new name. That of course is often the whole idea behind the change and rebranding has become a big business in its own right.

Andersen Consulting, linked to Arthur Andersen and its conviction for that super shady Enron outfit is now called Accenture. The Tiger Woods ads have been pretty effective and hardly anyone even thinks of Accenture as anything but a successful, modern consulting firm…now registered in Hamilton, Bermuda.

Exxon’s switch from Esso came about because of myriad legal challenges between different spin-offs of the Standard Oil Company and Humble oil. It did take us all a while to figure out how to pronounce this weird combination of letters. Now, of course it is called ExxonMobil and as far as we know, neither the old, nor the new entity has paid for the damages caused by the drunken captain of the Exxon Valdez and the huge oil spill in Alaska.

The infamous mercenary company Blackwater has re branded itself as Xe – supposedly pronounced as “zee”. A Pretty innocuous name it would seem for a company, whose employees have shot a whole bunch of unarmed civilians in Iraq. The problem is that there is already a company named Xe…

Who hasn’t heard about Phillip Morris, the class action suits, the chemicals, including extra nicotine added to their cigarettes and all the other machinations?

As it turns out, Phillip Morris is called Altria now. Almost sounds like one of those drugs, which we keep seeing advertised during the evening network news. Maybe like something to shrink an enlarged prostate, or to help you fall asleep?

How about the Value Jet Airlines? After the infamous crash in the Everglades with the loss of 108 people, it has come to life again under the name of Air Tran.

Technorati Tags: accenture, Adultery, andersen consulting, blackwater, esso, exxon, Rebranding, sponsorship, tiger woods, Value Jet Air Tran, xe

Much has been said and heard about Tiger Woods crashing his Caddillac Escalade (which, by the way, still belongs to General Motors)  through a fire hydrant and into a tree.

As most of you have also heard, the rumor goes that Tiger’s wife Elin Nordegren after hearing the crash outside their Florida house went to her husband’s aid and smashed the rear window with (what else?) a golf club, to allow him to escape the wreck.

Another rumor says that Elin was the one who scratched Tiger’s face, after hearing news about his affair with Rachel Uchitel – a Manhattan hostess who lost a fiancé in the World Trade Center on 9/11.

Tiger admits on his website that  “As you all know, I had a single-car accident earlier this week, and sustained some injuries. I have some cuts, bruising and right now I’m pretty sore.

This situation is my fault, and it’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I’m human and I’m not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

Woods, who was expected to host and play in the 2009 Chevron World Challenge golf tournament this week, canceled his participation, citing the injuries he incurred in the accident.

Wherever the truth might lie, there is no doubt that Tiger has ceased to be the media virgin he has been up to this point.

And in closing we would like to present another excellent cartoon on the subject by Washington Post’s Tom Toles.

Technorati Tags: accident, affair, tiger woods

The claims and counterclaims in this case vary widely, but as it stands, Eric Williamson, of Springfield, Virginia, a suburb of Washington, DC is being accused of indecent exposure.

As a woman, who was walking her 7-year-old son to school tells the story; Williamson has shown himself butt-naked twice through the windows of the house he was living in.

Williamson, in turn says that he just got up and was preparing breakfast in his own house, totally unaware that anyone could see him.

It is also interesting to note that the accusing woman is a wife of a Fairfax County policeman.

Police showed up very quickly. One of the five cops who went into his house reportedly called Williamson a pervert and others looked through his belongings. They left but returned a short time later to take him to the magistrate.

A police spokeswoman would not comment on Williamson’s claim that officers entered his room without a warrant, but she did say “We don’t arrest people for being nude in their house.”

Williamson in turn, says Fairfax County police treated him “like an animal” at his home.

Considering the huge brouhaha about a sex-related show in Saudi Arabia and the sentences of lashes and prison for those involved (apparently now pardoned by King Abdullah), or the stoning and other punishment in Afghanistan and Pakistan, our domestic morals might not seem to be that strict. On the other hand, how does walking naked around one’s own house compare to miles and miles of nude people on many European beaches? Who could be considered more advanced from the cultural and moral point of view, we wonder…

Technorati Tags: afghanistan, Alive, lashes, man, Morals, naked, Pakistan, police, Puritanism, Saudi Arabia, US

Once again, it’s been a while since I visited my neighborhood sports bar.

Frankly, I’m not a great fan of bars and nightclubs in general, but as all of you loyal readers probably remember, this particular bar is more attractive than most – and that is mainly because Jenny, the really cute waitress works there.

It was another hot and muggy, early summer day, as I shut down the air conditioning and then the engine of my car, hoping that the inside of the bar would be nice and cool.

The ever-present, black-clad greeters as usual opened the door for me and since I didn’t remember a single one of then, how could I expect any of them to remember me? In any case, had to go through the familiar ritual of telling them to sit me in a booth in the left-hand, smoking area of the bar. The greeter girl, who couldn’t have been more than 18, walked me over to the booth, featuring photos of Jackie Gleason playing golf and a totally unfamiliar (but probably deemed as important) wide photo of some baseball game. I looked around. There were all kinds of games going on the many large screen TV sets. Baseball, golf, a NASCAR race and the usual array of sports commentators blabbing about whatever sports commentators usually blab about. A couple of sets were tuned into some news reports and at least one had a large Doppler radar image of an approaching line of storms. Not that many people. A few at the bar, being much too loud and a few more in the booths and at the high tables, extending the bar area.

As I laid out my tobacco pouch, papers, the cigarette machine and the brass Zippo lighter on the table, I was thinking whether Jenny was working that day. After another quick look around the establishment I got busy rolling myself a cigarette, mindful of the fact that pretty soon smoking would be banned even in bars. All of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye I noticed a quick movement and the unmistakable sound of a beer mug being planted on my table. As I looked up, Jenny’s smiling face was looking down at me. “What do I have to do for you to come around more often?” she asked. Before I could answer, she added:” Don’t you like me anymore?” as she sat across from me in the booth. I smiled, not only because of what she said, but also because she looked better than ever. Did something to her blond hair. What was it? We guys don’t really pay that much attention to hairdos and such, but this time I was quick to pick up the change – she curled the hair a bit and that really went well not only with her very pretty face, super-duper body, but also with her personality. I extended my left hand to touch hers. Immediately, she noticed that I had a new watch. “Hey! Did you come into some money? That watch is not only big and great looking, but I happen to know that it costs a mint.” She said. To this point I haven’t said a word yet. Just stroked her hand, looked into her blue eyes, moved my foot towards hers and smiled. She kept her smile and now I could see her eyes starting to smile as well. Things were just fine with the world.

“I hope that you will be able to manage to join me, like you did before” I said.  I felt that she relaxed all of a sudden and I could see that certain softness creep into her eyes. “ I think I can, but let me just double check” she said, as she got up from her seat.

I watched her walk towards the back of the bar. The shapely legs were almost impossible to criticize.

Dreaming a bit, I took a swig of my beer. It sure tasted like Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, which I usually had in this place. She remembered even that. Got busy finishing my cigarette. Rolled it, licked the edge of the paper. Rolled into the machine again and popped it out. Immediately started making a second one for Jenny, but before I even sprinkled the tobacco between the rollers, Jenny was back, with her own beer and her own pouch of tobacco. “I learned to roll ‘em like a cowboy” she said, “you know, taming the bronco with one hand and rolling the smoke with the other”. I already knew that her manual coordination was good, but her newly acquired rolling skill – which I haven’t been able to master too well – impressed me. “Hope you’re not planning to tame me” I said, “ I don’t do too well being tamed one-handed by a cowgirl”. “Don’t you worry, baby,” she said, “I know that I need both hands to handle you”. I wish I took a picture of the mischievous smile she had on as she was saying that. It said it all and more.

“Do you want the usual?” asked Jenny. I nodded. “ That’s perfect as I already ordered it for you in the kitchen”. I couldn’t stop myself from laughing out loud, attracting a surprised stare from a couple of sports fans guzzling beer at the bar. I wasn’t sure what they were watching and I didn’t care. In any case, soon enough they went back to staring at their boob tube of choice and I admired Jenny some more. “ I like that look you got” she said. “ I wish I could see it more often, but  you only come here every few months…” That did sound like another invitation – one that I wasn’t about to refuse.

Somebody called her from the back and Jenny excused herself, saying that my mushroom burger, with bacon and a fried egg on top was ready.

I decided that I had just enough time to finish my smoke before she came back and looked at that the golfing photo of Gleason on the wall. Golf, like pool and bowling is definitely an activity – I stopped calling any of them “sports” many years ago – good for people in less than good physical shape, I thought.

Just as I took my eyes of chubby Jackie, Jenny placed a large plate with the open burger – the beef patty and the fried egg on one half, lettuce, a too red and fresh-looking not to have been gassed tomato slice and onions on the other. A load of French fries and two pickle slices filled the rest of the plate. Jenny also brought some Ball Park mustard and another Sierra Nevada. This looked like a really big meal. I was just hoping that I wouldn’t start looking like Jackie Gleason any time soon. And my desert was staring me in the face, smiling from across the booth. Life was good!

As I started pouring ketchup and mustard and assembling the burger, Jenny started to skillfully roll her cigarette, without the aid of the rolling machine. “You have to teach me how to do that,” I said, taking the first yummy bite. “Not a problem, if we don’t have time to practice tonight” she winked, as she took a swig of her Sapporo beer “ I will teach you next time.”

The burger was good – well done, as always – and so was the beer.

Didn’t feel like practicing rolling the cowboy way just yet and before I even managed to reach for my pouch and rolling machine, Jenny’s slim hand was holding a ready smoke for me. “That’s what I call full service” I smiled. “You know that we aim to please,” she said. I flicked my Zippo, applied the flame to the tip and inhaled deeply. Boy! Did that feel good!

“By the way, how do you feel about the ban on smoking in bars that’s coming up,” I asked. “And how about banning smoking in prisons?” Jenny smiled and said, “I think that this might be particularly important on death row. We got to keep them healthy, so we can fry them, or inject them with the poisons”. That brought a chuckle from me and the usual desires started cursing through my veins. “What time are you getting off today”, I asked. She looked me straight in the eye and said, “ I already asked my boss. There are not too many people today and I can leave anytime I want.

Did I mention before that life was good?

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If you enjoyed this episode, take a look at our previous “Sports Bar” posts:

A Democratic Debate in a Sports Bar

More Political Discussions in a Sports Bar

More Politics in a Sports Bar

Politics in a Sports Bar – Encore

Olympic Discussion in a Sports Bar

Technorati Tags: beer, cigarettes, Discussions, Jenny, legs, More, Sex, sports bar, waitress